There are always those moments in motherhood that clog you with emotion, and I had two of them this morning.
The first was when my son and I had a long, long hug. He was all dressed and ready for school early (which never happens), and so we had a bit of time, and I said to him "Come have a hug" and he did. He wrapped his little four year old arms tightly around my neck and held on. And we hugged for a good five or ten minutes, during which I was saying to him "I love this boy!" over and over and he then started saying "I love this mom!" It was really too cute.
The second moment was when he walked out the door to get a lift to school with Grandpa (my awesome stepdad). My son had his little school bag which he was pulling on it's wheels behind him, he had his umbrella open for the rain and he had his gloves on for the cooler weather today...and it just burst my heart....the sight of this tiny person all dressed up with his accessories to go out into the big world of playschool all by himself without even looking back at me. (We had said goodbye already.) Whenever he goes with Grandpa to school (in fact whenever he is doing anything without me) I feel so....full of mixed emotions that my chest aches. Every mother knows this feeling, I am pretty sure. Equal parts never wanting your child to leave your side so that you can keep them totally safe, with equal parts of wanting to set them free and give them their wings to fly.
Motherhood breaks my heart wide open in the most tender way I have ever experienced.