Thursday, June 18, 2015

My current view on life

I have noticed that my life views change and shift subtly, as time goes by. Not dramatically, mind you. I am fundamentally the same person now as I was at 18. But small shifts in perception happen, as life happens. Like, for example, I never knew I would be such a good mother! And I am tooting my own horn a little, I see that, but I am a good mother. How do I know this? Because my mother was a good mother, and I am doing my best to parent like her, and I even try to be better. And I believe that a good mother is one who continually evaluates how she is doing, and whether her parenting skills are working. And I do that.

Okay, so now I have a confidence in my mothering skills which I never had before. When my son was just born I was a wreck. I was the worst, most insecure new mother in the world. And now look at me soar! See what I mean about a shift in perception?

Also I am discovering that peace and quiet really can be an inside job. Much like happiness. Let me explain what I mean. I am someone who loves to "meditate" - by which I mean sit quietly and just be. I love my own company and alone-time. I love silence. But now, we are having renovations done to our house - so we have builders here from early in the morning - banging and crashing away, interrupting my silence, and giving me zero privacy or alone time. It's not easy, I will admit. Some days I feel frayed by all the commotion. But other days, I get it "right" where I go within, even amidst the noise and bustle, and I find my inner silence. Like yesterday. The builders were banging and crashing and yet, I just managed to feel present and spacious, somehow. It was a rare and wonderful thing.

And then gratitude, my dear friend. Gratitude helps A LOT. With everything. So when the noise and commotion get too much, I remind myself how damn lucky I am to be in a position where our house is being renovated and that puts it all into perspective.

The thing is, life is hard, even when it's easy. Even when you have good things going on around you, stressors creep into your day and make you snappy. Well, at least, that's what I find. But going within, searching for the gratitude and the silence and the presence...these things help to bring me back to balance.

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