Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Meaning and purpose

Do you ever wonder why you are here? I mean, here on the planet? Why do you exist? You probably have wondered that, from time to time. I know I wonder that ALL the time.

Since having my child, I feel a lot more sure of my purpose. I now know, without a doubt, that I was born to be a mother to this boy. I don't know how I know this, but I just feel it. Perhaps all mothers feel this? It would be interesting to know, actually.
Funnily enough, my son's teacher even commented the other day "You were meant to be his mother," and when I asked why, she said that only I would have the patience he requires. Because, you see, he spends so much time at the end of each school day taking me around the classroom, showing me what he did, made or learnt that day. It takes forever. Sometimes all I want to do is just get home, have a cup of tea and then listen to him. But I try (don't always get it right) to push my feelings aside and listen gently and be interested as he tells me about his day. The thing is, I am interested. I do love knowing what he did at school. But I also want to hurry up and get home.

I feel blessed that motherhood has afforded me a very real sense of purpose. But sometimes, I must admit, I wonder if there is more? Surely this can't be all I am here for? I have many talents, and luckily I have used my artistic talent in work, but some days I do feel like I am wasting my talents. Motherhood is a thankless task, as a lot of moms have said. It's not exactly true, because the rewards are there, but you don't get paid for it, and you don't get recognition or prestige or a raise or incentives. Not in tangible ways. You get hugs, drawings and little hands holding yours. And you get to see a small person grow into themselves. But whether I am a caring, conscious mother or a less-than, exhausted mother is totally up to me. No boss telling me to do better or expecting more of me. I do my best because of something inside of me that drives me to do so. I push myself to the point of exhaustion, emotionally speaking, many days. Which means that, I give attention, I cook, I nuture, I clean, I take to doctors and dentist appointments, I play and sing and teach and discipline. Phew.

And then to get told by society that I "just" stay at home -  well, it makes me question what I am doing sometimes.

So perhaps this post is for me, by me, to remind myself that I am doing the MOST important job on earth and I must never doubt that. And when I feel like a "nothing" in the eyes of the world, I must remember that true worth is not something I can value in monetary terms. My job will be well done when my son has a sense of value and self-worth - things that can't be measured at all but are more important than anything else.

To all moms out there - keep it up! We are more valuable than we know.

2 comments:

  1. Thanks so much for commenting on my blog the other day - it was lovely to "find" you again! The last few years have been a major roller-coaster for me too. So many changes, so much crap to deal with.. but here we are, blogging again, survived it all!

    I read through your blog and, wow, you are sounding so sure, settled, serene, at peace. It's really lovely - so glad for you.

    It's funny, the thing about being a mom - my girls are both grown up now, finished school and pretty much living their own lives and it's NOW that I can see what a huge thing mothering is. Now that my real "mommy days" are over.

    My mother was in many ways a walking disaster - my childhood has left me with many scars, many emotional demons to fight. I was determined that, if I achieved nothing else in my life, I was going to be a really good mom. Now that my girls are grown I can see that I've done that. I may not have been perfect (heaven knows I was/am far from a perfect mother!) but I did a really good job and I have two wonderful, secure, grounded and successful daughters to show for it. No job, no amount of money, no other relationship could give me the sense of pride and fulfilment that that brings me.

    Over the years, especially when my girls were little, I wrestled with the fact that I was "only" a mom. I had no real career. I worked mornings-only, but it was just a small, unimportant job. I had friends who were career-women and I would often feel inferior. I was very academic at school and I often felt that I could have done so much "more". I felt that I was wasting my brain. But now, looking back I have no regrets, none whatsoever.

    My job was the most important one. Companies come and go, careers get made and broken, but moulding a child into a really good human-being.... that is priceless.

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    Replies
    1. Dear Gill
      THANK YOU for such a wonderful comment. It truly made my day. And warmed my heart. And it really made me feel proud to be "just" a mom.
      Thank you for your perspective and for taking the time to post it to me.
      I totally relate: I too did very well in school, and even in Tech, and yet, I have no major career which I think people expected of me. But I am so glad to hear you say you have no regrets. I think I will feel the same too.

      Much love
      Louise

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