Monday, December 5, 2016

Middle aged!!!!!

I am a middle aged woman!

I know this sounds crazy, but somehow, that realization has only sunk in now.

At the very ripe middle age of 38.

I know that 60 somethings will laugh, and say "Oh honey,  you're SO young!" but what I mean now is that...I am NOT twenty something anymore. I feel like I am in my twenties. Guys, I am NOT.

I can't escape it. I am trying to fight back the aging process all I can, but it's catching me. On my neck/throat/upper chest area, the area that gets all the sun...I have so much sun damage. Spots and crepey skin starting. Ugh.

On my knees, when I stretch, the skin there is getting thin and wrinkly. It's even starting to show a bit on my arms.

There is really no such thing as anti-aging. Yes, we can look GOOD for our age, but we all age. A woman can Botox the crap out of her face (and I intend to, if I have the financial ability) but her other body parts will still age. A woman's hands ALWAYS give away her age. I always notice that. Sometimes the feet too.

I am also getting those white spots - little spots of no pigment at all on my body - along with those little, teeny red spots - those surface broken veins. Not to mention my huge ass varicose veins that are so yuk in my legs.

I can gym all I want, but these things will always happen.

Sad but true.

Although maybe not sad. Maybe it's part of letting go. Maybe it's the way God/nature forces us (me) to stop being so superficial. To stop judging myself and others based on their looks. Oh, I try NOT to judge based on looks. I try to look deeper, but sometimes I catch myself being caught up in superficiality. It's the modern world and the modern way. It's because of screens and photoshop and photo-shoots.

We hardly ever look at REAL people anymore, so much time do we spend looking at the Facebook images of our friends and family. Crazy shit hey?

Well, I am going to TRY to accept my age. I do worry that my man will find me gross, will think "ugh she's aging" and no longer want me. But I think he and I have come far enough now to know that he does love me and he isn't that shallow. But of course there is the fear anyway.

However, I don't want to live my life in fear of that. That is not a healthy energy to bring into a relationship. That fear is part of the energy that destroyed us.

So from now on, no more fear.

I am proudly, boldly 38 and if I look my age, then so be it. If I look my age, that's great because that IS my age.

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