Thursday, January 12, 2017

January thoughts

I stuck mostly to zero carb yesterday even when we went out to eat with friends. I ordered a huge rump steak. It was too lean, but I added butter. I ordered the side salad just because I didn't want to go into the whole explanation. I ate a few pieces of salad bits - very few. I left most of it though, and no one noticed.

Yesterday I had a small victory - I didn't eat much lunch, but was able to make it right through till late dinner out with the friends - with NO blood sugar lows or the shakes. I am gaining confidence in my body's ability to see me through periods of no food.

I think I am only now finally turning the corner where I AM able to skip a meal, or go for hours without eating, and THIS is the freedom that people talk about with low carb/no carb diets. I am not so scared any more - scared of feeling like crap because I didn't eat.

And with that feeling of calm, I felt less nervous about meeting this new couple who was joining us. Usually I get a little anxious meeting new people, but not this time. It was amazing. I felt SO good and calm and centered within myself. Is this a result of ketones? Or of stable blood sugar? I don't know. I have no clue, but I have never felt so grounded in all my adult life. Look, I am also guessing that my age has something to do with it - because the older I get, the more I am accepting myself with all my flaws.

Having said that, I do still kind of want Botox. My birthday Botox shot has worn off now - I got my Botox in September and now it's completely worn off. I only want it for my crows feet - they are SO much like my Dad's. So deep and crinkly when I smile. Which is kind of nice, but I

 would like them softer, perhaps. But then again, I think: oh well, whatever. I am starting to "give up" on the idea of looking younger, too, as I realise that I could save ALL the money I would theoretically spend on Botox  and put it towards our retirement fund. Which we don't have, yet, but we must. We MUST get a decent financial adviser and get some kind of retirement savings going.

I am SO enjoying the summer days. It's summer now, full blown, and it's lovely. I get to wear dresses and shorts (and I am not caring about my varicose veins) and feel light and free. I love it.

ACCEPTANCE really is the key to a happy and content life.

I am starting to accept so much about my body and my self.

I love going to gym, but I haven't been for a while, and I feel more content for it. I think at gym the mirrors and the social "competition" to look good is a little intense. Yesterday I did my own mini gym session at home with the mat and my light dumbbells, and I thought to myself that I really don't need much more than this.

The big, inflated steroid users are starting to look ridiculous to my eyes now. Even the gym ladies who are chasing these unrealistic ideals are starting to look desperate to me. I think there is a fine line (and I know it, I have crossed it before) between having a decent goal to stay in shape, and become obsessed with how you look.

Having these school holidays where I took a break from gym has been SO good for my mind.

I am so content.

I am just struggling to find my passion for my illustration work again. I do hate that right now. Wish I didn't.

On a side note: I have not been plagued with muscle cramps yet - just a tiny twitch of them the other night. But nothing too bad yet. So far so good! My rings are finally loser on my fingers too! So the zero carb is working to either get my inflammation down, or my weight down. Either way, I feel lighter.

My ideals/goals:
1) To give up alcohol this year - or mostly. I don't mind having the odd glass of red wine, but I have fallen into a habit of having a few drinks every Friday and Saturday. It spills over to Sunday sometimes too. I am doing it to be social with my "husband" but I don't have to have a drink just because he is.
2) To give up coffee - or mostly reduce it. If I can drink it just occasionally I would be happy with that.
3) To give up dairy. Just to see. To see what, you may ask? To see if my sinuses are clearer without it. If anything improves without it. If I don't feel better off it, then I will not stress about having it.

Ultimately, my big goal is to improve my health.

Note: I have NOT had any aches in my veins since reducing my carbs again. I just thought of that the other day.

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