Tuesday, January 17, 2017

School starts again! Naughty food. 17 Jan 2017

I cheated on zero carb
Firstly, a confession: yesterday I ate really, really badly. I totally cheated on zero carb. Big time.

Went out to share a cake with my son, and then later, I ate shop-bought cheesecake. So naughty. So much sugar. It's not good for my system to have that much sugar in one day - especially when I have been doing so well without sugar.

I have noticed that on zero carb, no/low sugar, my varicose veins have not ached. It's either just a coincidence, or it's the effect of the no sugar. I don't think it's coincidence, because it's been really hot lately, and if they were going to ache, they would have by now. So there is another reason NOT to eat sugar. And for my teeth! And for my gut health. And for the candida thing.

I am trying NOT to feel guilty about what I did. I am trying to just put it behind me. Start afresh today.

Eating the sugary cheesecake was delish, I must admit, but NOT satisfying. I ate like a mad person, not feeling full, and afterwards, still feeling hungry, searching for real nourishment.

And I was doing SO well with the diet and even managing to fast - what is wrong with me? It's like, when I get a bit of "success" I want to sabotage it. Is it pyschological? Do I believe that my relationship with my partner will be better if I stay not quite at my peak? I think so. Because when we did fall apart last time was when, physically, I was doing so well with gym and diet. I was lean and mean and working out and was so healthy and happy in that area of my life.

But this time, he and I are stronger. We are doing well. I mustn't let the past haunt me. If I feel healthy getting lean (and I do) then I must own it.

Start of 2017 school year today
Today my son went back to school - hooray! Start of Grade 2. I can't believe it. Grade 2. He is getting so big now.

So now, I am back home after dropping him off, and finally, I can BREATHE a bit. I don't have this little person here demanding my time and attention. Sjoe! It's been really tough, I must admit, having him with me ALL day some days. I have enjoyed it, though, and we are really close, and he's been really loving, which is great, but this mommy needs a break.

So here I am, sitting in bed, doing my favourite thing in the world, which is writing, and checking in with myself.

I visited a friend yesterday who has just had a baby three weeks ago, and I held baby for a bit, and although he is precious and cute, I didn't feel in the least bit broody. I get WAY more excited about the thought of a puppy, I must admit. I am just too far over the baby stage now. I love my child, more than life itself, but I wasn't good with the tiny baby stage at all. I was clearly a panicky mom, a very nervous new mother, and at the time, with our relationship going wrong, it added fuel to the fire of my anxiety. I was super anxious.

Anyway, today is a new day. A new day to eat zero carb, a new day to refresh my mind, and new day to be gentle with myself and a new day to remind myself of my "goals": reduce drastically my alcohol. Get back into a moderate exercise routine. Reduce coffee and dairy (but only when I'm comfortable doing so) and NO  SUGAR. And no buying clothes or shoes this year.

No buying stuff is freeing. It really is. I hope I will make it. I am sure I will.






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