Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Checking in with myself and Nitro's leg update.

Nitro is doing well, and has just one week left in the metal pins. They are quite something! I tell you, this has been a rough and hard road. It's been difficult to keep him confined in a cage - it's just NOT a thing you want to do to a puppy full of energy. We are now letting him out more and giving him more freedom but we still do try to keep him as still as possible.

His right leg is always going to be shorter than the left one, but it is growing at the moment, and so we hope it will be enough for him to use it. At the moment, it sure isn't hampering him. Yesterday he took off chasing the hadeedah's outside (something he should not be doing just yet, oops) and he went as fast as any dog I've ever seen!

My Dad's estate is starting to pay out to me and wrap up. I am really feeling all sorts of mixed emotions that I just don't know how to express. I feel grateful, and I feel guilty, and I feel sad still, and blessed and ... it's really hard, actually. It's hard to receive this gift from my father when I am unable to say "Thank you" in person. It's hard to not be able to speak to him and tell him how I appreciate it. It's hard because our relationship was a bit strained and even though I really tried to bridge our gap, it never really became easy between us.

I STILL want to know where the consciousness of a person goes when we die. Where? Where is my dad?

On a lighter note, it's back to school again today! Hooray. The hooray is more for back to normalcy. I love the week days. I don't love the weekends so much. I WORK more on a weekend, or in this case, long weekend, than I do during the week, because I am constantly tidying up after my family and sorting out food for them. Right now is the first quiet moment I have had in five days.

I need to just calm myself and my whole energy. Calm down. Breathe in and out. Aaaah, that's better. I notice that I sometimes just forget to breathe deeply.

And that's all for now.

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