Well, it's my birthday. I am 37 years old. My GOD!!!! I am way over thirty-five. The funny thing is, I always felt that being in my thirties was going to be great, maybe because my mom told me they were the best years of her life, and so far, it really has been great. But now, I am moving closer to forty, and it's a weird feeling. Not bad, necessarily, just surreal. My mother, who is 65, says you never get over that feeling. She can't believe her own age and how her body looks now. She says you look in the mirror and wonder what the hell happened.
But I am doing my best to embrace my age and the aging that comes with it. Not always gracefully, mind you. I do wish I were more accepting of the signs of aging that I am seeing in the mirror, but alas, society has made me a little fearful of what I see. Age/sun spots on my face. Wrinkles. A good few grey hairs now, more than I could ever pluck out. And I am getting those little red raised thingies all over my body - I don't know what they are called although I did read the name of them once - but I believe they are blood vessels that come up to the surface. They really piss me off. I don't like them. But the older I get the more I get. I have noticed that I am also get a few more beauty spots as I age. And not to mention varicose and spider veins. My skin is starting to show signs of loss of elasticity - some areas are going crepey - and just not remaining firm any more. Plus a few aches - I notice in the gym that I have to be careful not to over-train.
And yet...despite all that...I don't think I would go back to being twenty something again - not even if you paid me to do it. I was far too insecure back then. I have heard many older people say the same thing. They prefer being older because of how they feel within, regardless of the physical decline.
I am soooo glad that I too feel that way. I am definitely more sure of who I am, of my values, of ...well...of everything, really. And as much as I want to fight the signs of aging, I don't believe in anti-aging. Not at all. We are all going to age. In fact, the more correct thing to say is: we are all aging. All of us, right this minute. And it's wonderful. It's nature.
I have heard some TED talks where the speaker has likened aging to a disease that is preventable and even curable, but I think that is just ridiculous. Everywhere in nature, things age and break down. That is the process of life and death. That's how it's meant to be.
So, for my birthday, my 37th birthday, as much as I want Botox and all that stuff (and I have no qualms about getting such things done if there is extra money in our budget), what I really want, and what I pray for in my heart, is true and deep acceptance of the signs of aging I see. If I can reach a point where I love my wrinkles and grey hair, truly love them, I think I will be a rich woman inside. I hope so.
How do you feel about aging?