Thursday, March 16, 2017

Death....tiredness....bloating and painful tummy

I don't know where to start, however, I have SO many thoughts crowding my brain right now, I know I need to start somewhere.

Death: yesterday my best friend in Durban phoned me up to tell me that one of her friends, who is the wife of a guy who was in school with us, died in a car crash. She died at the scene of the accident. I am in such shock. This young woman was turning forty this year and had a fortieth party planned. She was mother to twin girls. It's such a final, quick thing, death. She was vibrant and alive one moment, and within a short space of time, she was gone.

I thought the exact same thing when my dad died. He was alive (ok he was not so vibrant, he was very depressed) and then, next thing, gone, just like that.

What the fuck for? Excuse my swearing. But really! Death teaches us what? It teaches us the impermanence of life. But what are we "meant" to conclude from that? I don't know. Is death's message telling us not to wait, if we want something badly we must just go for it? Or is it telling us to slow down, stop and appreciate the simple things? A bit of both?

I am mentally drained after a week or two of worrying about Nitro, our puppy, and his leg. I KNOW that worry doesn't help any situation, but I couldn't help but worry about it. Now that we have acted, and he's had his operation, I feel better, however, I still worry about how he will heal and whether the op will be successful. I know better than to worry, and yet, my mind is full of worry. I have not slept well at all thinking about him.

I am now suffering with something that I NEVER used to suffer with before: a very bloated, painful, swollen tummy. I don't know what's going on, but I am in agony. Could it be stress? It's very weird and unlike me. I have always had a flat, pretty easy-going tummy. If this continues, I must see a doctor. Another weird and unrelated thing: I have had no period for going on three months. Early menopause?

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